Maybe baby – part 4 (The patient grows up)

I went for my second “fresh cycle” in Sep last year. It was better this time, I wasn’t in a negative mood and my relationship with SF Loh was also improving then. After the embryo transfer, my husband and I went to the US to attend a family wedding and vacation. I brought along the urine test kit for pregnancy since I would still be in the States on the scheduled day of the blood test.

When I tested my pee, I had assumed that it would be the same as the ovulation test kit, that the test line had to be the same color or darker than the control line. So when I noticed that it wasn’t, I assumed I wasn’t pregnant. It was only a few days later after my husband found out, he checked the instructions on the test kit, and turned out I was wrong. I tested again, and there was the double line, and my husband rolled his eyes at me.

Anyway apart from that, we were excited that the pregnancy test was positive. But we decided not to tell anybody yet since I still had to go for the blood test, and that was what I did once we got home. We got the good news that afternoon, and I was arranged to go for an ultrasound scan a few days later and to see Loh after that. On the day of the scan, I had assumed everything would be well and I could see the fetus in the scan. The technician did a tummy scan first, and then she muttered something about no heartbeat. She said she had to do a vaginal scan, and told my husband to leave the room. All the while she looked pretty serious. I asked her if there was something wrong and all she said was that the doctor would explain to me. I suspected then that there must be something wrong with the fetus.

When we met with Loh after the scan, he told us the embryo didn’t develop and wasn’t even in the fetal stage. It was a blow to my husband, who had high hopes for the pregnancy. He wanted to know if there was any chance the embryo might start developing but Loh told him the chance was pretty low. I was surprisingly calm with the news but I was worried for my husband. I thought he looked a little devastated by the news. I listened to Loh as he was talking, though I can’t remember what he said. But I thought he sounded rather considerate. He suggested that I could take a particular drug which has abortive effect, to flush out the embryonic tissue. But my husband and I decided against it. I know my husband was wishing for a miracle, and I respected that.

So Loh suggested I went for another blood test a few days later, and to see him regarding the result. It still showed high bHCG but not high enough in Loh’s opinion that it was a viable pregnancy. He also did a scan on me and found that there was still no heartbeat. He advised me to stop taking the progesterone drug and let the menstruation resumed, in other words, a natural abortion. So that was it. My husband and I accepted that it just wasn’t meant to be then, and thankfully he was optimistic that it meant I could get pregnant despite this failure.

Anyway the menstruation didn’t get rid of the embryonic tissue completely. There was remnant left in the uterus, and Loh told me that I had the option to remove the tissue though it wasn’t imperative that I had do it, since I could let my body expel the tissue over time, but there was a 5% risk of a miscarriage if I got pregnant when the tissue wasn’t removed by then. My husband didn’t think I should accept that risk, so I went for a Dilation and Curettage (D&C) procedure in March this year. I had wanted to do it earlier and in fact arranged for it in February, but I wasn’t sure if I was pregnant then and Loh advised me not to go through it if I thought I was. But turned out it was false hope.

Anyway I only knew it was a day surgery and little about what it involved. I only found out that I had to undergo general anesthesia when the anesthetist came to inform me. I thought if I had knew, I would have told Loh, “since I’m going under GA, can you throw in a boob job while you’re at it?” Again that dreaded tube needle had to be poke into my left hand vein. God! I hate that! I had to wait like a few hours before I could go through the surgery and worst I couldn’t use the bathroom.

When finally it was time, I was led to a waiting room and was left alone. I’m restless when I’m left with nothing to do and as expected was checking out the place if there was anything interesting. I was sitting next to this cabinet with a switch on it and being the petulant child, I wondered what would happen if I pressed the switch and was tempted to do so. There was my case file on the table next to me, and I got curious whether there was anything juicy written inside. So there I was flipping through my file, and the door to the op theatre opened and Loh stepped out. Turned out he wanted to say hello. But I panicked a little and quickly put the file back on the table. I didn’t have my lens or glasses on, so I couldn’t see his face clearly but I’m sure he was amused by the guilty look on my face. Anyway he only commented, “so, you decide to have the op today”, and that struck me as a strange comment since we had corresponded and agreed on the timing. In my confusion, I forgot to ask him about the boob job.

Anyway later a nurse came to bring me into the op theatre. It was freaking cold in there. She told me that they had to keep the temperature down for the equipment. The dreaded anesthetist came in, the part which I hate most! When he tried to connect the anesthetic tube into the one inserted into my left hand vein, I couldn’t stop cussing “fuck!” So now they remember me as the foul-mouthed patient. Luckily I got knocked out pretty quickly before I started on other expletives. The operation went without a hitch, and I was fine when I woke up. Didn’t even feel any pain. I have to say it here, Loh’s really skilled! Alright, he’s the man.

Before ending, I wanna apologize to the anesthetist for cussing at him. He did a good job with the drug, I didn’t suffer any side effects. The nurses also took good care of me as well. So thank you all.


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